There's a big line in the sand

There is this boundary, and it's like the Mexican border. It's apparently so difficult to cross but then poof. There's a ton of illegal immigrants around. 

That's the way it is with R too. In like .0000344 seconds we go from best friends to.... Something else. And we can talk bout "if we..." All the time, we both know it's gonna be the same as it is now. Just more of it. And let's be entirely honest here. It probably wouldn't be that bad of a situation either. Although I feel like it would never have future plans, it would be a live each day as it comes kinda thing and idk if I can handle that. Sounds far too stressful. Too bad I can't find that switch, duct tape it to FRIENDS and then like bury it a wall or something. Then this just wouldn't be so darn difficult. :/ 

That line in the sand, it need to be the Grand Canyon but hell, didn't someone jump it? And walk across it on a tight wire? Guess there's always a way to get around it. 

-K

Ya know what? Fine. I give up

If all ur gonna do is lay there in the chair, I give up. I'm done. I try and try and try. I tell you what I want. I hint at it all the time. And nothing. Once upon a time you did all these cute things to get me to be your girlfriend, well 4 years later I can scream at the top of my lungs, begging you to do those cute things and you still won't do them. Since you can't take a hint I guess it means that you need a fucking wake you up moment. Since all you ever want to do is sleep. I'm saving up and I'm moving out. By myself. Cuz I give up. "Do what you did to get her, and you'll keep her for forever". Yeah. You don't do that.  😞😢😢😢

I got nuthin....

So bday.... Is in 5 days.... Dunno what I wanna do.... Don't know what I wanna get for a gift.... Not a clue. Kinda wanna road trip tho so who wants to give me some gas $$.... Or better yet a truck for a few days? 

From the land of Christmas carols and holly jolly scents....

I feel like night 1 of this floor set was far too much of a struggle/way more exhausting then it needed to be.... Here's hoping tomorrows (oh wait I mean tonight's) is better the tonight's (shoot I mean last nights?) 

On the bright side swing by bbw tomarrow! New scent and those holiday body care faves r out plus 15 new soaps scents and can't forget candles and wallflowers! I know where all my savings is gonna end up going. Unfortunately.  😉

Missing this...

Missing the summer days spent out in the middle of nowhere when all that mattered was how fast u wanted to ride ur 4wheeler..... I miss us all being friends and not having any struggles. I miss being able to see my best friends whenever i wanted and not having anyone be mad about it! Ugh! Most of all I miss seeing this guy....

He's the best of the best and I'm sick of only seeing him for a few minutes a few times a year. I wanna see him on a regular basis and be able to talk to him bout my problems and know that he's not gonna judge me at all....he's been there n he knows what it's like... And he don't want me to go thru it again. He's my very best friend but seems like best friends aren't there much in my life. And apparently they don't think they need to talk to me unless it's on their schedule. And it's Rlly pissing me off. 😞💔👎😠

All I want....is just to see you smile...😊

Gosh everything is just so messed up right now.... Why can't I go back to having a boring sheltered life? One where nobody talked to me and I didn't have a ton of people liking me all at once? 

R... Idk what he wants. One sec he's all sweet and just trying to get me to laugh... He says I don't laugh enough. And then there's the other side of him that can flip a convo bout running into something completely sexual in less then 5 texts. And I never know what side of him I'll get at any time of day. 

B.... Is a diff story. Told me everything n then doesn't talk to me but told me why he don't talk to me and I can understand that. But then I want to talk to him and see him so much! He's my best friend, but I don't want to be annoying to him either but I really do love being able to talk to him and he won't judge. And he'll  (hopefully) keep my secrets. Plus, I'll admit it, he gives the best hugs. 

The other B....he's more done then burnt toast. Screw him and the train he rolled in on. Thinking he can use the "I Rlly like you" card for a reason to be an ass to me? Not gonna happen buddy. I'm done. 

Otherwise. Works going good, and just trying to get everything situated in my life so I'm just not so confused anymore   

💙💛😐

Dont blame me...

Its not my fault that u slept for a hr and then didnt do what a responsible adult would do. You sat there right next to the bank and didnt think bout it. And now ur all pissed cuz its my fault? Im sorry that i have bills to pay and havent been getting paid alot and im waiting to get ny next check to even be able to pay my phine bill... which will be late... sure hope it dont get shut off.... and then im over due on my car payment but dont worry i just saved ur ass for ur stupid hair cut...  youre the one that offered to put gas in ny car for me this spring... im sorry that i have to drive over 650 miles this week and my car only has gas for 450... and that i only had 14$ to my name which u just used up... thanks so much... but dont worry i know its just my fault. It always is.... Isnt it?

DONE.

Pretty fed up with that fact that every time you're around him you get drunk. Never fails. But oh ur mad that I stuck to the plan and went fishing? I'm sorry that's what the guy driving wanted to do. You couldn't give us a hour? Oh no its all bout you.

And YOU.... you're bout ready to get my foot up your ass with this whole let's get food oh wait I'm going home. That's bullshit. Don't fucking call me again and be like hey come hang out and then leave right after we're there for like 20 min. I'm just sick of it. All of it. DONE.

This crazy month. ...

I can't believe it's been a month since graduation.  Since them I have a new job. ... pigs are growing like crazy. .. that tractor show is finally done!  And scentsy is going slow but steady. Hopefully I can find some new hostesses this fall.  Luckily the stress is winding down and I'm staying to enjoy summer.  Been going fishing and swimming and enjoying the sun.  And the best part is it doesn't end.  I don't have to be bummed about going to classes anymore!  Just going to work my butt of and get things accomplished.  :)

pre grad. omg.

well guess what parents. I DID IT. WITHOUT YOU. im struggling like crazy right now but BOOM BITCH FUCK YOU AND YOUR DEBT I MADE IT THRU COLLEGE WITHOUT ANY OF YOUR HELP!!!! i did what you never thought i would do! im on the freaking moon right now! tomarrow night you all better not be late and you better stay the whole time, unlike my high school graduation. i mean seriously what kinda of parent skips out of graduation as soon as their kids name was called for their diploma??? what if i had got an award or something? ugh smh. if they skip out this time you have NO IDEA how pissed ill be. i cant wait to walk across that stage. my best friends will be there! gah i cant wait! say goodbye to those that i dont really care about and make sure i have the ability to keep in touch with the ones i do, which arent very many. and then go to work saturday. yippee. oh well im still so excited to get my degree! now i just have to find a full time job. 40+ hours. i cant wait to do that. i actually WANT a full time job! i never thought i would say that! lol. looks like im growing up :) heaven help me dont let me fall on my face tomarrow night. #nervous #excited #graduation #college

Times winding Down

To that point that it's time to make grown up decisions.... move up or move on? If only moving on was a option. Still no phone call! Ugh! Not trying to be selfish or anything but I need some prayers too. Prayers to let me get a good job and my own place so I have room for all my stuff at moms... they're gonna be gone soon too soooo who knows what's gonna happen :/ keeping my hopes up that I'll get a phone call. :)

Boy I wish I had it made.

Well the next few weeks are going pretty good for work but boy do I really wish I had that full time job to real Get me going.  I wanna get my car paid off most of the way this summer but the 200 I'm making a month now ain't gonna get me there.... If that keep up it won't even make the bill payments. :( ik is not summer yet but I've already got my goals started. 
1. Full time job ********
2. Save for emergency
3. Pay off car
4. Get fit
5. Save for my own place
6. REALLY pay that car off
7. Pig shows :) 

Keep those prayers coming for that full time job. I need all the good tidings debt my way that I can get! :)

Holy crap I'm done with college

It's done. Over. Finished. College is over for this girl. Two years of my life went by so fast. Now what? Of course I'm trying to get a new job... One that's full time. And I'm still trying to move out but that full time job is kinda necessary first cuz I'm broke. But I got thru college with no loans and that was my goal! #accomplished

for now it's just taking the hrs I can get and then praying for a good outcome on my apps.... I'm ready for the big kid world.

college life is.so.very boring

Sitting here on yet another three hr break waiting for my.last class of the day... just want to go home n hang with the boy.... but of course nothing ever rlly goes the way I want it to... found out some things lastnight that surprised me...and lets be honest ...annoyed the shit out of me too. I rlly rlly think that ur way too paranoid bout that stuff but by all means you try to make those rules... but I bet if things went my way they'd work a lot better. Then there's the whole situation going on.... he doesn't realize what hes doing.... that hes never gonna have fun in his life again... and hes gonna end up being a sheltered snatched over hermit if he lets her have her way but oh well there ain't shit you can do bout it I guess...