wish you were here....

the one thing i want the most rite now...... strangely enough....to talk to nick...just to see wuts up. like kyle does to me....i just want to call him and see how WI is....but i doubt he'd answer....and even if he did he'd cut it short. be really busy or sumthin.... :(

almost made it a whole day wit out talking to alex....finally broke down bout an hour ago.....i really. really wish i could see him rite now....

this summer is gonna be hell. making sure i get a hug from him on the last day of school. who really knows that they're dead certain they'll be bak in teh fall.... hell alot of things could happen. he already knows i like him....i wounder if he'd think i was weird? huh. well my brains in hyperdrive....randomly woke up @ 430 this am and couldnt get bak 2 sleep. stayed in bed til 11 anyways. lol. and its 1130 now.... been up for 19 hrs.....cant take it anymore....gotta sleep.....maybe have sum dreams for once? idk.....

wut. a. day. *collapses on bed wit a HUGE sigh*

well... this day has had its ups and downs.....laura has decided to be retarded like her sister (jk ily court! lol) and play the flute....ugh...the traitor....

then nick was in a hurry this morning and 4got his phone AND his wallet @ home...so first thing on the bus this morning....(im already listening to my iPod btw).....i get poked in the side and look over and its nick...i was like okaaaaay (in my mind)....and hes like can i use ur phone for like 5 minutes?... i was like ok....(not thinkin anything of it).... then i was like wait a minute (again. in my mind) .... wheres urs?...and he goes thats wut im calling bout....i was like nice.....lol (then & now)


so i listen to his phone call and he gets ahold of his dad...and im not gonna go in2 detail bout wut he said & everything....but i was laughin a bit.... (lol rite now just thinkin bout it) and he gives me bak my phone & is like god i feel like a dumbass....i was just like wow.... (lol)

then lindsey is like mad/sad/ idk wut cuz she left to go on vacation 2day and we wont see her until after summer - IF she stays in atkinson. :(

nicks now either still on his way to WI or there....idk which but i hope he has fun....since i certainly wont....stuck here in stupid IL for the whole damn weekend....prolly gonna be tryin 2 find out WTF is wrong wit the 4wheeler.... working mostly. :(

but after school....the usual routine...get out of math....go 2 my lkr.... get my shit.... go down the hall....stop @ alex's lkr & tlak to him. :D so i was walkin down the hall wit him and everything....and i had 2 get my trumpet from the band room and he kinda acted like he was gonna go the short way to the buses but then he kept walking wit me all the way down to the band room and he didnt get his trombone or anything....and he stayed by me....and then walked wit me outside too....

and this isnt the 1st time this has happened....well.....not exactly this....but pretty close.....


god i cant wait to see wut happens next..... just let it be good and have a sumwut happy ending

this is gettin annoying.....

ok....so like 5 minute ago...not even....guess who drives by my house? HURLESS. and guess wut - he goes SUPER SLOW by my house & then speeds up when he get to the fence......seriously...WUT THE FUCK??????? he tryin 2 show off his truck or sumthin? i dont rly care...and mines better anyway. SO HA! :P lol. but srsly...he tryin to be a creeper or sumthin? cuz thats just fucked up and he does it EVERY SINGLE TIME he drives by my fuckin house and its not doin anythin but PISSIN ME OFF!

and this just tops the cake cuz i have not had a good idea today @ all. fuckin bitches talkin shit bout me AGAIN. i will srsly kick sum ass if i have to. & i know where ALL of them live so they better fuckin watch there ass....garrett will proly help me too.....


IM SICK OF ALL THIS FUCKIN DRAMA! GOD U STUPID FUCKING HIPOCRATES U NEED TO FUCKING STOP THIS SHIT AND SHUT THE FUCK UP! you understand me???????



...im gonna go blow off sum steam....

o i dunno....

welll....talkin to alex alot... nick...not so much.....eh.....only 7 days left.......11 till state convention.....cant wait.....gonna fail my finals...... :( the pressure is KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!

i need to talk to brennan or ben or nick or alex or SOMEBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

songs on my mind

Brian McComas
You're In My Head

I don't know why I'm even calling
I told myself I'm through with falling
Right now I should be running from these thoughts of you
That just keep coming but I can't

You're in my head you're in my heart
You're in that song on the radio in my car
Even in my dreams
I feel your skin on my skin
Out of breath each day ends like it begins
You're in my head

I drove four hundred miles the other day
Biggest mistakes that I ever made
'Cause I saw you on every billboard sign
In every car that passed me by I saw your face

You're in my head you're in my heart
You're in that song on the radio in my car
Even in my dreams
I feel your skin on my skin
Out of breath each day ends like it begins
You're in my head

Ain't no trigger I can trip
No switch that I can flip
Even if I wanted to
You're in my head

You're in my head you're in my heart
You're in the song on the radio in my car
Even in my dreams
I feel your skin on my skin
Out of breath each day ends like it begins
You're in my head

You're in my head
You're in my head
Oh,yeah

Brian McComas
I'll Always Be There For You

Late night call collect from Arkansas
She said,brother I need your help
She said,there's this boy
And I could tell by the crack in her voice
She was in real trouble and all by herself
She said,I don't want to be a burden
It's not your problem
Maybe I should just hang up
After all we're years apart and not much in common
And we haven't kept in touch

And I said,I may have moved away
And I know that on the day I left
I let you down
But your still my baby sister
So always remember it's by blood we are bound
I may be here but I'll always be there for you

I know it's bad but you gotta tell mom and dad
You don't have to do this all alone
If I leave right now I should be there by morning
And we can tell them together when I get home
We'll talk and pray cry a little
We'll work this thing out
We'll stand beside you try to guide you
That's what family's about
But it's your decision to make

Six months later on a Sunday morning
That baby girl ws born
And we all stood in wonder around the bed
Looking at her in that little pink sleeper
I knew in my heart that she wanted to keep her
But God had a bigger plan instead

A young couple came and I heard my sister say
I just wanna give my child the life that she deserves
We all held hands
Then she handed her to them
And we all cried as she whispered these words

I'll think about you everyday
I'm only giving you away 'cause I can't raise you now
I brought you into this world
You'll always be my little girl
It's my blood that we are bound
I may be here but I'll always be there for you

I may be here but I'll always be there for you


Billy Currington
People Are Crazy

This old man and me, were at the bar and we
Were having us some beers and swaping I dont cares
Talking politics, blonde and red-head chicks
Old dogs and new tricks and habits we aint kicked

We talked about Gods grace and all the hell we raised
Then I heard the ol' man say;
God is great, beer is good and People Are Crazy

He said "I fought two wars,
Been married and divorced"
What brings you to Ohio?
He said "Damned if I know"
We talked an hour or two about every girl we knew
What all we put them through
Like two old boys will do

We pondered life an death
He light a cigarette
He said "These damn things will kill me yet;
But God is great, beer is good and people are crazy"

Last call its 2am, I said goodbye to him
I never talk to him again
Then one sunny day, I saw the old mans face
Front page Obituary, he was a millionaree
he left his fortune to some guy he barely knew
his kids were mad as hell
But me, Im doing well
And I drop by today,
to just say thanks and pray,
I left a six-pack right there on his grave and i said;
God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.

God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.

God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.

missouri 2marrow! :D

well....matt keeps tlaking to me on facebook and ignoring me in school....if that makes ANY sense at all...plx explain. lol. nick....well its nick....hes being nice to me @ least...not a harsh word said or anything.... its all good. :)


me & lindsey.....things r gettin better at least....still tense tho.... nikki.....it was the usual her being randomly bitchy...as usual. lol


not rly much to say....altho i did get a B on my bio test! SOOOOOO HAPPY! :D


got unlimited txting so i can talk to whoever i want for however long i want and not worry. :) soo happy bout that too....


going 2 missouri 2marrow....hope i have fun :)

oh wut fun drama aint....

soooo.... taday was pretty cool. event tho i havent got ot talk to alex very much cuz IM OUTTA TXTS! and i gotta go to missouri so thats gonna be fun. lol.

nick....wow...uh....well 2day he like just started talking to me today while we were waiting for the stupid constrution workers on the blacktop....he was rly funny and nice and it was like WAAAAAY back when. b4 the relatiobship. he was actin like one of my friends. one of my good friends. which i REALLY needed today.

cuz lindsey and nicole are saying shit bout me and so is kendra. and i havent done anythin to anyone. nick has SO much more reasons to be like that then them - and hes not being that way. not rly. we have our fites, but its not this stupid drama that lindsey and nicole and kendra are trying to start. and im REALLY trying to not start anything and im trying to make amends wit nick and everything....

its just really hard cuz its the end of the year and everything....and as much as im trying to avoid this its like hunting me down and i HATE it! but im gonna try my hardest to stay calm (wit the help of my threapists; brennan, alex, courtney, kyle, and ben. lol) and not blow up at everyone over the stupid little shit. but if ppl are spreading rumors about me i WILL put a stop to it. i dont care wut ppl say bout me. i WILL NOT put up wit this shit and they know it.

the best thing for tehm to do: GET OVER THEMSELVES! they are soooo NOT BETTER THAN ME! and they know it. they also know that push come to shove and i'll fite.




"Take the past, burn it up and let it go. Carry on, i'm stonger then you'll ever know. That's the deal, you get no respect. You're gonna get charged, you better watch you're fuckin neck.

woah-o-o-o i never give in, woah o-o-o i never get up, woah-o-o-o i never in, i just wanna be wanna be loved" - ...To Be Loved by Papa Roach




BTW 6 MONTHS TILL I GET MY LISCENSE!!!!!!!! 15.5 YRS OLD! LOL

and now.....

matt keeps talking to me all the time on facebook. and then he was like gtg and he tells me i can txt him if i wanted to. WTF AM I GONNA TXT HIM 4???? only if its bout hurless or sumthin like that. im not just gonna go hey wuts up like he keeps doing on facebook.

im sry but its just getting kinda weird that he tlaks to me AFTER me & hurless break up and hes like rly nice & everything now. so idk wuts going on. its gettin kinda creepy tho. no offense.

sooo.....

well nick yesterday on the nite bus....i was tlakin 2 him and he goes so i hear you still like me....and i was like idk.....who'd u hear that from? and he goes i have my sources.


well the only one i have told anything to was matt.....and he awears he didnt say a thing to him bout it...


SO WHO THE HELL TOLD HIM????


and another thing -


WHY THE HELL DID NICK ASK ME THAT?????

so happy rite now

OMG DAD ACTUALLY AGREED TO ME BAILING THE HAY FOR THE SUMMER IF HE GIVES ME THE $$ 4 STATE CONVENTION!!!! WOOT!

so i get to get away after school gets out. sweet.

since everybody told me 2 ask AP out....i did.....and he said that he didnt want to be in a relationship rite now.... but he never said he didnt like me or anything....and he never said we'd never date..... (like sum ppl)


and nothing is awkward between us! i talk to him more now then i did b4 i asked him....hes basically one of my best friends.....welll....now that i think bout it he IS one of my best friends :)

i found out that beeg is most likely moving......to bettendorf......and lindsey mite move too..... so im losin 2 friends.... :(

but then kyle called me last nite and was like talkin bout the summer and he was like if i have a party then im invitin you and u can invite whoever you want if you like....well i can only think of a few ppl that i would invite 2 kyles...one i would want there....but then i wouldnt.....and the other isnt tlaking to me cuz he needs "space." so idk wut id do....


any suggestions?

speechless....

matt just apologized to me for last thursday....wow. never thought he would do that. so hes cool. but i still would SO love to punch hurless in the face.

i swear i'm gonna KILL matt!

so... accrodin to hurless, drewelow made him go out wit me. but....according to drewelow, he didnt make hurless go out wit me, but he DID make him break up wit me. he also said that hurless was ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW ANNOYING I AM.


so i asked hurless bout it, and all he did was laugh.

asshole. both of them. you know wut? i hope stuckey's rite. i wouldnt be surprised if both of them turn gay - with each other. lol